Sorry for the lack of communication as of late (I promise you I have a ton of new recipes to share asap). I’ve sort of been stuck in bed.
Remember when I was laid up due to some lower back pain? Well it turns out I wasn’t actually ready to ease back into yoga and/or teach (a low impact version of) TurboKick . This past Thursday, the pain came back with a vengeance – and on Friday, the fire-y, shocking pain was so intense that I literally started to cry at work.
So – per Doctor’s orders – rather than spend this gorgeous three-day weekend outdoors with the people I love, I’ve been inside resting and recuperating (I really don’t want this to flare up again, so I’m doing whatever I can to heal fully!). I am so fortunate to be borrowing Livity Café of Life’s Amethyst Bio Mat this weekend though, which I really feel is helping my healing process (call me a hippie, but this thing will change your life and leave you feeling rejuvenated and renewed).
[This photo was taken at Livity Café of Life – I wish I had design style like Dr. Tracey ]
You can probably infer that I’ve been laying down all weekend drinking massive amounts of water [with lemon/lime for added benefits], and reading my book [The Soloist]. If it wasn’t for our pool/hot tub session at one of the hotels, I wouldn’t have ventured more than a half-mile radius of our house all weekend.
And while I can sit and stand without crying now, I’ve still got some progress to make .
Looks like my first real athletic injury is going to take much longer than anticipated to heal. On one hand, I’m frustrated and feel like all the physical progress I’ve made over the past 8+ years is going down the drain (I know that can’t be true, but the fat-girl mind tricks are playing out in full force right now). My body yearns to sweat and move freely and my muscles are screaming use me or I swear I’ll turn back into fat! In the past 8 years I can’t remember a time where I was rendered inactive for more than one week, let alone almost three (and counting). That part of me is miserable right now.
On the other hand, I appreciate this experience because it’s brought me time to reflect and honor all the incredible things my body does for me. Right before this happened, I had been writing and reflecting a lot about being ready for the next phase of my life – releasing my childhood and adolescence completely and moving into adulthood with a clean slate.
Well, kids, be careful what you ask for.
My childhood was filled with fear, pain, shame, uncertainty, and unhealthy behaviors. I think I internalized a lot of that and kept it (literally) bottled up inside me. So when I finally said it’s time to leave, it started leaving – and as it turns out, the pain I felt when I internalized all this negative energy is equivalent to the pain I feel as it all leaves. I realize that I didn’t manifest all this pain overnight and therefore I can’t expect it to leave my body overnight, either.
[I know, this post is beginning to sound more and more like I’ve spent too much time laying on crystals. I know that there is a physical change happening, but I can't deny that that I am made of energy, and that there is definitely something happening here metaphysically as well.]
In any case, to help the metaphysical process, I took time yesterday to write out all the things from my childhood and adolescence that I needed to release. Anger, fear, sadness, lies, shame, embarrassment. I honored them for teaching me what I know today. And then I burned the paper – and watched as the smoke rose out and away from me.
To be able to create who I want to be. To recognize that I am strong and beautiful despite—and because of—my past. To take this time to heal both on the inside and the outside.
Of course, through the process I recognized aspects of my childhood and adolescence that I wish to keep, and that is what I will leave you with today:
- unconditional love
Do you have a nagging fat-girl/fat-boy living inside of you? If so, how do you silence her? What does your healing process look like (and would you ever be crazy enough to share it on the world wide web)?
Aloha Pumehana. Whether you’re here to find balance, wholesome recipes or inspiration, I hope you enjoy the posts. Please subscribe to Green Plate Dinners to receive automatic updates and be the first to read new posts!